Words: Past & Present.

2017- Fears.

That was the word the Lord gave me when I asked Him at the end of 2016 for a word. I even knew what He meant: I was gonna crush some fears with Him. 

And man, did we. 

That was the full year of being in 10,000 Fathers Worship School.

That was the year I moved to Atlanta, GA.

That was the year I'd show up to a church, life group(s), leadership meetings, work... places without knowing people (except for work, but I had never done private ABA therapy before). 

That was the year of a nervous breakdown.

That the was the year I had a therapist. 

That was the year of believing in the Prophetic- and watching words & visions spoken into my life coming true. 

That was the year of a lot of intimidating conversations but pressing into them anyways.

Yeah, I wouldn't trade that year for anything.

2018- Dreams.

That was the word He gave me for 2018.

And again, I even knew what He meant: He was going to fulfill some dreams I had.

And boy, did He.

Beautiful conversations and God-appointments I could've never set up on my own.

My dream of moving back to Maine became a reality in June of last year.

And one of my favorite dreams that came true? LIVING ON A FARM. I'll even tell the story...

One September morning I was driving to an appointment I had for looking at a bedroom to rent. It was one of those (bear with me, as I love detail and sentiment) gorgeous-had rained-the-night-before-but-now-sunny early Fall Saturday mornings. And my GPS led me to get off the highway and take a different road for several miles. 

A seemingly farm filled road.

And so, as I looked around I prayed out loud, "God, would you please give me that dream of living on a farm someday? Even if it's not for another 10-15 years? I'll wait...!"

A week and two days later, I had an appointment to see about an in-law apartment.

I heard it was on a farm, but didn't think much of it at the time. 

Until I was a 1000 yards out (as my GPS told me), and I'm on a very familiar looking road... the very one my GPS took me on just the week before.

I started to awkwardly (but it didn't matter because I was alone) giggle and say, "Seriously God? This might be where I get to live?

And yes, yes it was.

I didn't even have to wait 10-15 years because He is just. that. good. 

2019- Yes.

This one's harder. Because, once again, I had a sense of what God was alluding to: He wanted me to say YES more.

Here's what you need to know about me.

I HAVE INCREDIBLE BOUNDARIES.

In fact, NO is probably one of my most commonly used words.

In fact, when I meet people and get to know them, I'd say, about 82% of the time I will say, "Oh, that's why God brought me into your life: To help you learn how to say the word NO."

I am, however, a solid INTROVERT. I can be a people person when needed, but I don't find rest & revitalization by being around others [most of the time]. In fact, I often have to prepare to have conversations, ie, I plan questions and conversations in my head ahead of time.

I have (or get, rather) social anxiety in the majority of places where, well, people socialize... to the point of having panic attacks.

It's why leading worship or teaching in front of crowds doesn't wear me down as much as one-to-one conversations do- I get a "conversation" done in one shot... (LOL).

Back to the yes thing...

So I knew that saying YES was going to be, well, exhausting.

But I also knew that saying YES would:

        *Bring new experiences

        *Bring new results

        *Produce a new side of myself

        *Increase my prayer life 

        *Etc.

And, it did.

It led to being vulnerable which led to beautiful depth with new community. (I won't lie, it was about February before that happened, ha!)

It led to a speaking engagement.

It led new worship leading experiences.

It led to being the Program Director at a summer camp.

It led to going on a date for the first time in yearsssss. (And no, you won't get anymore details from me on that!)

It led to stepping into hard conversations.

It led to reconciliation(s).

It led to relationships ending.

It led to everything I knew it would.

And guess what.

I AM SO TIRED.

So I started praying over my 2020 word and it only took a few times before I heard the word....

SEASONS

Ya'll:

I'm very excited for this word.

I have some guesses, but, I will say, this is the first time since praying these prayers that I don't have more of an inkling on what God wants to do.

But I'm thankful that HOURS after the Lord giving me this word He confirmed it.

A new friend wrote me and told me that when he saw me one time, the Lord gave him the picture of a sunrise over a valley... with a tree and a swing. That a new day is coming to my hopes and dreams.

I couldn't believe it.

Well actually, I could, because God's goodness is just that good.

So 2020, I'm ready [with coffee in hand]...!

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What's your 2020 word?!

Dear 17 Year Old Shauna...

Usually I write a "___ Blessings" (the blank standing for the number I am in age) on my birthday. But I decided to change it up today. These letters were all the rage earlier this year, and since I'm not into fads: I waited until they're no longer cool. (Which, 17 year old Shauna, never changes about you... )

So, feel free to snoop this letter....
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Dear 20 year younger Shauna,

--School Crap: 
You're a Senior in High School right now, and you have mixed feelings. You're ready to be done and out of that small town, because you know you were created for somewhere else... but you're also completely terrified and paralyzed in making any move. And that's fine. God is sovereign- and instead of being scared of that, you're going to come to be so thankful for that in the years to come.

-- FINISH WELL. Do the homework. YOU CAME SO FAR. You almost became a 5-year student but made the Honor Roll your Junior year. Don't let the joy of daydreaming keep you from being the best version of you you [can] be.

-- Don't cling to your teachers. Be grateful, but don't look to them as your life support. They were only meant to be in your life that way for your years there. Again, sovereignty. BE THANKFUL.

-- The mean girls- and guys? Glad you asked. Keep being who you are now: a confident daughter of the Father. Just take a moment to realize this comes from Him: not something you've just become and do on your own. Anyways, this takes you to the point you get nominated to be on a panel with a bunch of adults to calm all the incoming Freshmen. It's an honor. And, you hear from more than one teacher about how much more respect and joy they have for you then any one of those girls & guys. Believe me, they see you- and them. Continue to rise above it- you'll never regret it.

-- You're gonna stay home a year before you leave for college, but don't get anxious. It's time to learn to save money and embrace being home. ps, I can't wait for you to get the job you get. You won't even realize at the time how uniquely God has gifted you, and how He'll use that time in your life!

-- MUSIC MINISTRY: 
There's going to come a time where this movement called, "worship" replaces "special music" in the Church. G I R L F R I E N D: You can't even imagine it. Actually, you can!! Because those moments you dream of and envision while singing into your hairbrush every night to the Shout to the Lord album from Hillsong that just came out: YOU LIVE THEM. Like, all the add-libs, solos, harmonies: ALL OF IT. So sing your Jaci Velasquez and Avalon proudly... because soon you'll have the last day you ever did. (Until this phenomenal artist, Natalie Grant comes.. in that case, you'll sing her stuff for special occasions.)

-- The subject of BOYS:
Here's. The. Thing. I won't pack punches: you appreciate truth & honesty upfront. You're single even into your 30's. In fact, you're gonna meet some guys and date them, one or two of them may even break your heart & and you'll weep & pray on the floor. G I R L F R I E N D: FEEL THOSE FEELINGS. And then after a few months, dust yourself off and keep moving forward. YOU WILL NEVER REGRET NOT MARRYING THEM. I know, I know... #butreally. (That looks weird now, but you'll get it once you see it.)

     You're also... I debate on telling you this. But.... you're also gonna meet some guys who love Jesus but don't love their wives like Christ loves the Church. And it's gonna scare you. You'll have a hard time trusting men (which really, now that I think about it- it won't come as a surprise)... but believe me when I say, "THEY DO EXIST!" And you'll meet plenty of women who will take you under your wing as they let you watch their families. Shauna, they really do exist.

    There's gonna come a season where you hear the phrases, "You intimidate me. You would've intimidated me- I could've never dated you...You're so tall, strong, smart, really spiritual." Listen girl: THE APOSTLE PAUL NEVER MEANT FOR YOU TO not ever laugh around guys, raise your hand and offer insight, or to freaking wear flats for a decade for fear of a man not like or appreciating your long legs and height. NOT ONE GUY IS WORTH you not wanting to wear or look what you want to wear & look like!! DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING AT YOU?!

-- GOD STUFF: 
    You will love the Father, Son & Spirit more than you could ever comprehend. Start practicing the discipline of getting on your knees and laying prostrate before the Lord in your bedroom or apartment. That's something I never did and is my most important piece of advice for you. Beg God to reveal more of Himself to you. I didn't, because I feared He only tolerated me. LISTEN TO ME LINDA: LINDA LISTEN: HE DOES MORE THAN TOLERATE YOU-- HE LOVES YOU. ("Linda" will make more sense too... sorry, but I just can't help myself!)
     Again, not to scare you, but: you'll have some "dark nights of the soul". Don't be scared. Do what you did: Leave the Bible by your pillow. Put "It is Well" from Shane & Shane on repeat. (Oh gosh, you don't even know Shane & Shane yet. Just, believe me: their harmonies will make you swoon.) You don't, however, have to beg God: He is already near. But, again, referring to the above: Get on your knees. You'll never regret it.
     Without giving too much away, the second-best piece of advice I could give you? Always give your thoughts, impressions and knowledge about God back to God and say, "Is this Who You are? Do You work in other ways? I don't want to put You in a box...."
     Fear is your constant companion. I've managed to keep "him" at bay most of the time now. God never prepares you by instilling fear in you. NEVER. Never Shauna, NEVER. So if and when you feel fear: it's from the pit of Hell and you tell Lucie (aka, Satan, Lucifer, the stupid one, etc) to go directly back to hell because that's where Jesus will put him anyways.

Random Stuff: 
-- That conversation with your dad that you play over and over in your head all the time? HAVE THAT CONVERSATION. God's grace will be more than enough. Just... just believe me.

--As soon as you get used to the internet (out of college, of course. Insert palm face here... don't worry, that'll make more sense in 20 years too)... look up these two words: introvert and the Enneagram. Just... just take my word for it. God designed you- and His sovereignty is all over you... but... there are some moments where if you learned at least what it is to be an Introvert: that'll help your friendships and relationships... DEEPLY. You know what: I'll even just tell you right now. Stop thinking you're going to miss out on something and stay in more nights a week. That annoyance you feel when you're around most people? It's because you need time alone. 

 --That short, blonde, peppy and way too joyful girl you meet your first year away at college? PUT YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION to the back burner and get to know her. Trust me. She's in your life for life. To the point you'll spend so many Christmas' with her & her family that her kids demand you be there. Even when they're teenagers.
     
--You're going to become allergic to dairy. GUUUURL: Eat. It. Up. While. You. Can!!!!!!
   
--Don't be scared of Chiropractors. They're amazing. And you'll cry every time you have to move away from one.
   
--YOU ARE GOING TO TRAVEL THE WORLD AND IT WILL BE AMAZING. Okay, well, not all the world, but you will travel 9,000+ miles in 3 months with a bunch of strangers. You can feel the excitement, can't you? Do you want to know now or later that you'll live 10 minutes walking from the Pacific? and at another point, just six hours from Florida? I know you can't imagine it... but remember... mostly importantly:

COURAGEOUS IS THE TRUE YOU.

You see her from time to time now. She's the one standing up for abortion in front of her whole class and getting mocked. She's the one who gets asked to be on panels. She's the one who won the talent Contest at CHS the year before. She's the you that will win 2nd Place at an event at a JMG State meet. She's the you that makes up a couple of the coolest parts of the Senior Dance off. She's the you who walks with her head up despite wanting to have committed suicide back in Middle School because of the bullies. She's the you who knows that God is real and you're willing to pursue obeying Him despite what those closest to you believe. 

COURAGEOUS IS THE TRUE YOU.

So, 20 year younger Shauna,

You got this. Like, REALLY you got this.

'Cause He's got you in the palm of His hand.

<3

Future You.

It's More than Abortion.

It's more than abortion that I'm concerned about.

It's souls.
The souls of the unborn.
The souls of the doctors.
The souls of the mothers.
The souls of the fathers.
The souls of the politicians.
The souls of "believers".
The souls of those who don't believe.

See, our first and foremost call in life, dear believer, is to love God.
Then to love our neighbor.

I'm a defender and fighter-for-others by nature. Particularly those who can't and/or won't fight for themselves. And that goes for the unborn.

But as I watched social media B L O W    U P over the New York state decision to legalize abortion and I began to see more and more harsh words thrown around by Christians, it got me thinking.

It got me thinking about how what we stand for is more than politics and paper.
It got me thinking about how nowhere in Scripture do we find the world is going to get better and better until Jesus comes.
It got me thinking that America's promised nothing in Scripture.
It got me thinking about how many women must be terrified when they enter a hospital or clinic.
It got me thinking about the dads who don't know- or the dads, well, the dads.
It got me thinking about my college paper I did on abortion, and the statistics of the emotional effects from abortions even 20+ years later.
It got me thinking those who perform the abortions or talk with the women.
It got me thinking about the politicians.
It got me thinking about Christians slandering "pro-choicers" for their thoughts.

Dear reader, I believe abortion is wrong. I believe it is murder. And I will chat with you about that and not even bring up Scripture.

Jesus never slandered anyone. Well, maybe: He talked pretty sternly and not nicely to the ones who thought that they were righteous.

But the sinners? Gosh. Didn't He love them. Didn't He hang out with those who sold their bodies. He hugged them. He let them wash His feet with her tears. He changed His travel schedule to meet with a woman who had more infidelities than we know.

HIS HEART BROKE FOR THE MAN WHO WOULD BETRAY HIM.

Jesus was never surprised when someone sinned.

Jesus never looked to the government to save Him.

Don't misunderstand me. I believe as Americans, because we have the privilege, that we truly do need to stand up and fight for the unborn. But using social media and the internet and name calling will never, ever ever bring about TRUE CHANGE.

HEARTS AND SOULS.

How often do we pray over the doctors and nurses at the clinics/hospitals near us? How often do we pray over those women and men who will enter them that day?

And finally, let's remember that so many around us have had abortions. I have several friends that have... and by God's grace: They know that they are forgiven and daily forgive themselves. But I can 100% guarantee you: Calling them a murderer or a psychopath would've only heaped shame on them and made the decision and recovery even harder.

Jesus, on the other hand: I think He would've wept, hugged them and told them how much He loved them, and their child... but especially them.