Dear Christian: Your Heart Isn't Actually Deceitfully Wicked

Okay, I know.

About 92% of you just gasped and are ready to say, "Well, you know Shauna, the Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9, 'the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?' HELLO?!"

Let's do a study together, shall we? Really quick, even!

The Hebrew word where we use "deceitful" is the word, "`aqob". It is used only 2 times in Scripture and can also be translated, "slippery, steep, hilly, foot-tracked". Imagine if we translated this passage with those definitions? 

Let's also look at what's going on in this passage in Jeremiah. 
First off, Jeremiah was a prophet during Old Testament times, even during the destruction of Jerusalem. He was sent specifically to Israel (unless otherwise stated), to warn, rebuke and encourage ("to pluck up and to break down...to build and to plant". (1:10)

Let's now zoom in to chapter 17.
The verses before it are, "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He like a tree planted by water... It does not fear when heat comes... and is not anxious... it does not cease to bear fruit." (v7-8). Now, the verses before that (5-6) are in the negative and then Jeremiah says in verse 9 those famous words that we are now studying.

But what about the verses after?
I'm so glad you asked.
"I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds. (v10)

So even in just a quick glance we get a bigger and better picture of what is going on. Jeremiah is not saying to all of us today that our hearts are deceitful, wicked and beyond repair. Jeremiah is saying that Israel and us have a choice: to repent and serve God and be blessed by honoring Him, or to continue in our ways and see destruction. Because God will give to every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds. 

To further prove this thought and conclusion, let us just read even a few more verses about what God says about our hearts throughout the rest of Scripture. (Again, these are just a few.)

From the Old Covenant/ Under the Law:

Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart [but lean not on your own understanding]...
Proverbs 4:23 - Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from [your heart]...
Psalm 51:10 - Create in me a new heart...
Psalm 73:26 - My heart and flesh my fail, but God is the strength of my heart...
Psalm 37:4 - Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart...
Ezekiel 36:26 - I will give you a new heart and... give you a heart of flesh.

From the New Covenant/ Under Grace

Matthew 5:8 - Blessed are the pure in heart [for they shall see God]
Matthew 22:37 - Love the Lord God with all your heart...
Matthew 6:21 - For where your treasure is, there is your heart also...
Romans 5:5 - And hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts...

So, do you see what I mean?
How could our hearts be deceptively wicked but yet, we are supposed to trust the Lord with them? Why would we need to guard them? How could God be the strength of our [wicked] hearts? How could we desire and receive those desires if our hearts are wicked? Why would God bless our hearts? How could we love God with all of our hearts? How could our treasure lie in our hearts? How could God's love be shed into our wicked hearts?

So at the very least, from what we can see even just from these verses... our hearts can and are changed upon salvation. (And in the Old Testament, being renewed, as the Holy Spirit did not indwell, but came upon the righteous.)

I understand what people are trying to say when they say that our hearts are wicked. That sin is our livelihood until we give our lives to God. But what many are also saying when using this verse is that emotions are bad but there could be nothing further from the truth. 

Now to make life-altering decisions solely based on emotions, sure, absolutely: Don't do it! But sadly, the Church has almost swung in the opposite direction (though, as of very recently, the pendulum is slowing coming back the other way). The Church for too long has stood on principle and run people over. From the Pharisees to today even there have been those that have taught [us] to eliminate our emotions or put our emotions on the back-burner and just do what is right.

I propose to you that this mindset is from the pit of hell. 
It is what Job's friends did to him and God wanted to slay all three of them. 
It is what the Pharisees did in their pompous pride and refusal to have and show compassion unless it somehow benefited them... and we all know how Jesus felt about the Pharisees.

Scripture is full of the statements and mentality of "there is safety in a multitude of counselors" but hopefully I have challenged the view point of believing that emotions are wrong, sinful and/or something to run from. In fact, David was called a man after God's own heart, and is there anyone more emotional than David? He fought anger, depression and pride of course, but he also danced because of God's victories and loved God's laws more than anything else in his life (most of the time). 

I'll even challenge you with this: in those moments where you are feeling deep-rooted emotions, stop and ask the Lord to help you discern why you're feeling what you're feeling and what He has for you in it. 

Perhaps it's fear showing up as anger.
Perhaps it's pride.
Perhaps it's sadness.
Perhaps it's that you've come to believe that God doesn't really want you to be happy, so you try to not hang on to it for fear that God will take it away someday.
Perhaps it's.....you name it.

According to Scripture God... laughs. is angry. (In His defense, He gets to be righteously angry, but the Apostle Paul says we can be angry too.) God is love. God cried. (Perhaps He still does...) God got tired. (Note: Jesus needing places to stay and eat.)

Beloved, don't fear your emotions. 
Let your emotions serve you. Don't serve your emotions.
Ask what your emotions are about and for and surrender to the Lord in wisdom.

And please, PLEASE stop taking Scripture out of context.
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(Because even in this instance, I believe this topic and horrific explanation of this verse is a small sliver why many men in the Church are anti-women. They see [us] strictly emotional beings without logic. (But I digress, as that is a subject for one of my next posts...)

Words: Past & Present.

2017- Fears.

That was the word the Lord gave me when I asked Him at the end of 2016 for a word. I even knew what He meant: I was gonna crush some fears with Him. 

And man, did we. 

That was the full year of being in 10,000 Fathers Worship School.

That was the year I moved to Atlanta, GA.

That was the year I'd show up to a church, life group(s), leadership meetings, work... places without knowing people (except for work, but I had never done private ABA therapy before). 

That was the year of a nervous breakdown.

That the was the year I had a therapist. 

That was the year of believing in the Prophetic- and watching words & visions spoken into my life coming true. 

That was the year of a lot of intimidating conversations but pressing into them anyways.

Yeah, I wouldn't trade that year for anything.

2018- Dreams.

That was the word He gave me for 2018.

And again, I even knew what He meant: He was going to fulfill some dreams I had.

And boy, did He.

Beautiful conversations and God-appointments I could've never set up on my own.

My dream of moving back to Maine became a reality in June of last year.

And one of my favorite dreams that came true? LIVING ON A FARM. I'll even tell the story...

One September morning I was driving to an appointment I had for looking at a bedroom to rent. It was one of those (bear with me, as I love detail and sentiment) gorgeous-had rained-the-night-before-but-now-sunny early Fall Saturday mornings. And my GPS led me to get off the highway and take a different road for several miles. 

A seemingly farm filled road.

And so, as I looked around I prayed out loud, "God, would you please give me that dream of living on a farm someday? Even if it's not for another 10-15 years? I'll wait...!"

A week and two days later, I had an appointment to see about an in-law apartment.

I heard it was on a farm, but didn't think much of it at the time. 

Until I was a 1000 yards out (as my GPS told me), and I'm on a very familiar looking road... the very one my GPS took me on just the week before.

I started to awkwardly (but it didn't matter because I was alone) giggle and say, "Seriously God? This might be where I get to live?

And yes, yes it was.

I didn't even have to wait 10-15 years because He is just. that. good. 

2019- Yes.

This one's harder. Because, once again, I had a sense of what God was alluding to: He wanted me to say YES more.

Here's what you need to know about me.

I HAVE INCREDIBLE BOUNDARIES.

In fact, NO is probably one of my most commonly used words.

In fact, when I meet people and get to know them, I'd say, about 82% of the time I will say, "Oh, that's why God brought me into your life: To help you learn how to say the word NO."

I am, however, a solid INTROVERT. I can be a people person when needed, but I don't find rest & revitalization by being around others [most of the time]. In fact, I often have to prepare to have conversations, ie, I plan questions and conversations in my head ahead of time.

I have (or get, rather) social anxiety in the majority of places where, well, people socialize... to the point of having panic attacks.

It's why leading worship or teaching in front of crowds doesn't wear me down as much as one-to-one conversations do- I get a "conversation" done in one shot... (LOL).

Back to the yes thing...

So I knew that saying YES was going to be, well, exhausting.

But I also knew that saying YES would:

        *Bring new experiences

        *Bring new results

        *Produce a new side of myself

        *Increase my prayer life 

        *Etc.

And, it did.

It led to being vulnerable which led to beautiful depth with new community. (I won't lie, it was about February before that happened, ha!)

It led to a speaking engagement.

It led new worship leading experiences.

It led to being the Program Director at a summer camp.

It led to going on a date for the first time in yearsssss. (And no, you won't get anymore details from me on that!)

It led to stepping into hard conversations.

It led to reconciliation(s).

It led to relationships ending.

It led to everything I knew it would.

And guess what.

I AM SO TIRED.

So I started praying over my 2020 word and it only took a few times before I heard the word....

SEASONS

Ya'll:

I'm very excited for this word.

I have some guesses, but, I will say, this is the first time since praying these prayers that I don't have more of an inkling on what God wants to do.

But I'm thankful that HOURS after the Lord giving me this word He confirmed it.

A new friend wrote me and told me that when he saw me one time, the Lord gave him the picture of a sunrise over a valley... with a tree and a swing. That a new day is coming to my hopes and dreams.

I couldn't believe it.

Well actually, I could, because God's goodness is just that good.

So 2020, I'm ready [with coffee in hand]...!

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What's your 2020 word?!

Dear 17 Year Old Shauna...

Usually I write a "___ Blessings" (the blank standing for the number I am in age) on my birthday. But I decided to change it up today. These letters were all the rage earlier this year, and since I'm not into fads: I waited until they're no longer cool. (Which, 17 year old Shauna, never changes about you... )

So, feel free to snoop this letter....
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Dear 20 year younger Shauna,

--School Crap: 
You're a Senior in High School right now, and you have mixed feelings. You're ready to be done and out of that small town, because you know you were created for somewhere else... but you're also completely terrified and paralyzed in making any move. And that's fine. God is sovereign- and instead of being scared of that, you're going to come to be so thankful for that in the years to come.

-- FINISH WELL. Do the homework. YOU CAME SO FAR. You almost became a 5-year student but made the Honor Roll your Junior year. Don't let the joy of daydreaming keep you from being the best version of you you [can] be.

-- Don't cling to your teachers. Be grateful, but don't look to them as your life support. They were only meant to be in your life that way for your years there. Again, sovereignty. BE THANKFUL.

-- The mean girls- and guys? Glad you asked. Keep being who you are now: a confident daughter of the Father. Just take a moment to realize this comes from Him: not something you've just become and do on your own. Anyways, this takes you to the point you get nominated to be on a panel with a bunch of adults to calm all the incoming Freshmen. It's an honor. And, you hear from more than one teacher about how much more respect and joy they have for you then any one of those girls & guys. Believe me, they see you- and them. Continue to rise above it- you'll never regret it.

-- You're gonna stay home a year before you leave for college, but don't get anxious. It's time to learn to save money and embrace being home. ps, I can't wait for you to get the job you get. You won't even realize at the time how uniquely God has gifted you, and how He'll use that time in your life!

-- MUSIC MINISTRY: 
There's going to come a time where this movement called, "worship" replaces "special music" in the Church. G I R L F R I E N D: You can't even imagine it. Actually, you can!! Because those moments you dream of and envision while singing into your hairbrush every night to the Shout to the Lord album from Hillsong that just came out: YOU LIVE THEM. Like, all the add-libs, solos, harmonies: ALL OF IT. So sing your Jaci Velasquez and Avalon proudly... because soon you'll have the last day you ever did. (Until this phenomenal artist, Natalie Grant comes.. in that case, you'll sing her stuff for special occasions.)

-- The subject of BOYS:
Here's. The. Thing. I won't pack punches: you appreciate truth & honesty upfront. You're single even into your 30's. In fact, you're gonna meet some guys and date them, one or two of them may even break your heart & and you'll weep & pray on the floor. G I R L F R I E N D: FEEL THOSE FEELINGS. And then after a few months, dust yourself off and keep moving forward. YOU WILL NEVER REGRET NOT MARRYING THEM. I know, I know... #butreally. (That looks weird now, but you'll get it once you see it.)

     You're also... I debate on telling you this. But.... you're also gonna meet some guys who love Jesus but don't love their wives like Christ loves the Church. And it's gonna scare you. You'll have a hard time trusting men (which really, now that I think about it- it won't come as a surprise)... but believe me when I say, "THEY DO EXIST!" And you'll meet plenty of women who will take you under your wing as they let you watch their families. Shauna, they really do exist.

    There's gonna come a season where you hear the phrases, "You intimidate me. You would've intimidated me- I could've never dated you...You're so tall, strong, smart, really spiritual." Listen girl: THE APOSTLE PAUL NEVER MEANT FOR YOU TO not ever laugh around guys, raise your hand and offer insight, or to freaking wear flats for a decade for fear of a man not like or appreciating your long legs and height. NOT ONE GUY IS WORTH you not wanting to wear or look what you want to wear & look like!! DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING AT YOU?!

-- GOD STUFF: 
    You will love the Father, Son & Spirit more than you could ever comprehend. Start practicing the discipline of getting on your knees and laying prostrate before the Lord in your bedroom or apartment. That's something I never did and is my most important piece of advice for you. Beg God to reveal more of Himself to you. I didn't, because I feared He only tolerated me. LISTEN TO ME LINDA: LINDA LISTEN: HE DOES MORE THAN TOLERATE YOU-- HE LOVES YOU. ("Linda" will make more sense too... sorry, but I just can't help myself!)
     Again, not to scare you, but: you'll have some "dark nights of the soul". Don't be scared. Do what you did: Leave the Bible by your pillow. Put "It is Well" from Shane & Shane on repeat. (Oh gosh, you don't even know Shane & Shane yet. Just, believe me: their harmonies will make you swoon.) You don't, however, have to beg God: He is already near. But, again, referring to the above: Get on your knees. You'll never regret it.
     Without giving too much away, the second-best piece of advice I could give you? Always give your thoughts, impressions and knowledge about God back to God and say, "Is this Who You are? Do You work in other ways? I don't want to put You in a box...."
     Fear is your constant companion. I've managed to keep "him" at bay most of the time now. God never prepares you by instilling fear in you. NEVER. Never Shauna, NEVER. So if and when you feel fear: it's from the pit of Hell and you tell Lucie (aka, Satan, Lucifer, the stupid one, etc) to go directly back to hell because that's where Jesus will put him anyways.

Random Stuff: 
-- That conversation with your dad that you play over and over in your head all the time? HAVE THAT CONVERSATION. God's grace will be more than enough. Just... just believe me.

--As soon as you get used to the internet (out of college, of course. Insert palm face here... don't worry, that'll make more sense in 20 years too)... look up these two words: introvert and the Enneagram. Just... just take my word for it. God designed you- and His sovereignty is all over you... but... there are some moments where if you learned at least what it is to be an Introvert: that'll help your friendships and relationships... DEEPLY. You know what: I'll even just tell you right now. Stop thinking you're going to miss out on something and stay in more nights a week. That annoyance you feel when you're around most people? It's because you need time alone. 

 --That short, blonde, peppy and way too joyful girl you meet your first year away at college? PUT YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION to the back burner and get to know her. Trust me. She's in your life for life. To the point you'll spend so many Christmas' with her & her family that her kids demand you be there. Even when they're teenagers.
     
--You're going to become allergic to dairy. GUUUURL: Eat. It. Up. While. You. Can!!!!!!
   
--Don't be scared of Chiropractors. They're amazing. And you'll cry every time you have to move away from one.
   
--YOU ARE GOING TO TRAVEL THE WORLD AND IT WILL BE AMAZING. Okay, well, not all the world, but you will travel 9,000+ miles in 3 months with a bunch of strangers. You can feel the excitement, can't you? Do you want to know now or later that you'll live 10 minutes walking from the Pacific? and at another point, just six hours from Florida? I know you can't imagine it... but remember... mostly importantly:

COURAGEOUS IS THE TRUE YOU.

You see her from time to time now. She's the one standing up for abortion in front of her whole class and getting mocked. She's the one who gets asked to be on panels. She's the one who won the talent Contest at CHS the year before. She's the you that will win 2nd Place at an event at a JMG State meet. She's the you that makes up a couple of the coolest parts of the Senior Dance off. She's the you who walks with her head up despite wanting to have committed suicide back in Middle School because of the bullies. She's the you who knows that God is real and you're willing to pursue obeying Him despite what those closest to you believe. 

COURAGEOUS IS THE TRUE YOU.

So, 20 year younger Shauna,

You got this. Like, REALLY you got this.

'Cause He's got you in the palm of His hand.

<3

Future You.

It's More than Abortion.

It's more than abortion that I'm concerned about.

It's souls.
The souls of the unborn.
The souls of the doctors.
The souls of the mothers.
The souls of the fathers.
The souls of the politicians.
The souls of "believers".
The souls of those who don't believe.

See, our first and foremost call in life, dear believer, is to love God.
Then to love our neighbor.

I'm a defender and fighter-for-others by nature. Particularly those who can't and/or won't fight for themselves. And that goes for the unborn.

But as I watched social media B L O W    U P over the New York state decision to legalize abortion and I began to see more and more harsh words thrown around by Christians, it got me thinking.

It got me thinking about how what we stand for is more than politics and paper.
It got me thinking about how nowhere in Scripture do we find the world is going to get better and better until Jesus comes.
It got me thinking that America's promised nothing in Scripture.
It got me thinking about how many women must be terrified when they enter a hospital or clinic.
It got me thinking about the dads who don't know- or the dads, well, the dads.
It got me thinking about my college paper I did on abortion, and the statistics of the emotional effects from abortions even 20+ years later.
It got me thinking those who perform the abortions or talk with the women.
It got me thinking about the politicians.
It got me thinking about Christians slandering "pro-choicers" for their thoughts.

Dear reader, I believe abortion is wrong. I believe it is murder. And I will chat with you about that and not even bring up Scripture.

Jesus never slandered anyone. Well, maybe: He talked pretty sternly and not nicely to the ones who thought that they were righteous.

But the sinners? Gosh. Didn't He love them. Didn't He hang out with those who sold their bodies. He hugged them. He let them wash His feet with her tears. He changed His travel schedule to meet with a woman who had more infidelities than we know.

HIS HEART BROKE FOR THE MAN WHO WOULD BETRAY HIM.

Jesus was never surprised when someone sinned.

Jesus never looked to the government to save Him.

Don't misunderstand me. I believe as Americans, because we have the privilege, that we truly do need to stand up and fight for the unborn. But using social media and the internet and name calling will never, ever ever bring about TRUE CHANGE.

HEARTS AND SOULS.

How often do we pray over the doctors and nurses at the clinics/hospitals near us? How often do we pray over those women and men who will enter them that day?

And finally, let's remember that so many around us have had abortions. I have several friends that have... and by God's grace: They know that they are forgiven and daily forgive themselves. But I can 100% guarantee you: Calling them a murderer or a psychopath would've only heaped shame on them and made the decision and recovery even harder.

Jesus, on the other hand: I think He would've wept, hugged them and told them how much He loved them, and their child... but especially them.

Cages.

 "Lord of the Rings: Two Towers" has several amazing scenes. This one is just about my favorite...
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Aragon: "What do you fear my lady?"

Eowyn: "A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them. And all chance of valour has gone beyond recall or desire."

Aragon: "You're a daughter of of kings, a shieldmaden of Rohan. I do not think that would be your fate."
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Whoa.

What is it about this moment that strikes my innermost being like no other?

Because my deepest fear is not becoming who I was created to be. 

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It's been a journey for sure.
For years- try a decade- I took 1 Peter 3 out of context: I became a quiet, submissive, don't-laugh-too-loud-'cause-that'll-annoy-a-man, don't-be-taller-than-a-man-because-that's-emasculating-, don't-answer-like-you-know-the-answer-because-a-man-doesn't-want-a-woman-who-knows-more-than-him KIND OF WOMAN.

No, really, ask my bestie: I became that woman.

Then through the years, a few things happened. A.) It became exhausting not being who I truly was. B.) I came across a Matt Chandler sermon that God used profoundly and C.) God used a normal-every-day phone call with my bestie to change my world. So here we go with the explanations:
         
*A.) Needs no explanation. I was exhausted of faking it all the time.

*B.) Matt Chandler calls out Single women in one of his sermons. He tells [us] that it's better to be single than to dumb ourselves down and marry a stupid man. Because what happens is this: We dumb ourselves down... A (dumb) guy comes along that will finally ask us out...We agree on everything (because that's what we do when we feel we don't deserve to speak up)... and then we wake up 2 years into marriage and think, "My gosh: this is miserable. And I'm stuck with a stupid man."

Golly. That scared me. I DO NOT WANT TO BE HER! (Also note: I know too many "hers".)

And that phrase, "dumb [ourselves] down" struck my innermost being: This was exactly what I had been doing. I had been pretending I didn't know God, His word or my calling as much as I knew I did. Let me tell ya ya'll- I stopped the video, repented & prayed, and replayed those few minutes of the sermon.
         
 *C.) Fast-forwarding the topic during the phone call... My bestie asked me if I had come to truly believe that having confidence is pride and insecurity equals humility. Say what?! But as I truly pondered over that I had to confess (eventually) to myself and out loud that I believed that it was true. That to believe that if I did anything really well or above average or even better than most others, than I believed that was not okay. That it was sin. And that the less I thought of myself... the more I thought of myself not doing things well... then, well, that was the humility that God approved of- and wanted of us.

W R O N G.
So. Freaking.Wrong.

But there's also a D.)

I began to believe that Jesus love(s) women. I began to view Scripture in its historical context more. I began to believe that women can be in leadership.

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It would take way too long for me to go into all the little nuggets of truth from Scripture and conversations and learning and experience for me to give examples of how each of the above shifted me into more of a Woman of Confidence.

But I will just share this.
In Genesis 2, when God speaks of Eve being Adam's helpmate, that word is "Ezer", meaning, help. *shocker* But- here's what's powerful. Ezer is used just 21x's in the Old Testament. 3x's, referring to Eve, but the other 19x's? EACH ONE IS GOD REFERRING TO HIMSELF AS OUR EZER! He is our "ezer and our shield", our "ezer and our sword", "Where does my ezer come from? my ezer comes from the Lord."

I do not believe that this is saying that women are better than men. But rest assured, it most definitely does not mean that we as women are below men.

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So studies like the above changed my life. I was about 33 years old when I began my journey into confidence. I am more free than I have been in my entire life. I am more in love with Jesus than I have been in my entire life.

I am more me than I have ever been in my entire life.

And you know what?
The cage only surrounds me when I fly into it.

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P.S. Proverbs 31: "An excellent wife..." That word "excellent" is from the Hebrew word, "chayil", meaning strength or valor. It is the same word that the angel of the Lord calls Gideon in Judges 6:12, "Mighty man of Valor".

So go ahead and reread Proverbs 31 now knowing the Hebrew word for "excellent". Don't you look at her differently?

<3

My Story: Which is really God's Story.

The pastor at my church challenged us to share "our stories" this week on social media, and so it had me thinking: I don't think I've ever shared my story (God + me) on this platform. So in 1000 words or less: here I go.

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Always Believed. Walked Away. Prodigal Daughter.

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If I had to define my story in even less words, I would say, "Decisions and Freedom". Because that's what He gives us- what He offers us, is decisions and freedom. 

I "prayed the prayer" when I was three, so basically, I always knew God existed and talked with Him like He was in the room. ('cause He was. er, and is.) But it wasn't until I was 14 and went to a [new to me] camp where I saw teens and college students raising their hands during worship and doing a quiet time (I thought only old people did that?!).... They were beautiful and cool and showed me that a relationship with Jesus was actually possible, even as a teenager.

So from there came a bunch of little decisions that altered my life, little by little. I chose to do a 4-year Bible school. From there I toured with a Christian Ministry for 3 months. Was offered a job by them and moved to SoCal. Discovered in my time there that worship leading was more of my heart, so of course I knew to say yes when offered a position as a vocalist in a worship band back East. Moved back East. Learned [the very hard way] that I am NOT a gifted administrator. 

Those years began to just become the grind of life. By 2011 I had been living outside Boston for a year and well, not really actively pursuing God: I just kept keepin' on. No real established quiet time. No studying. No real interest in investing in, well, anything, except my own fulfillment. My single on Itunes bombed. And then, a decision happened which affected me and I grew bitter and more bitter. (Anger + Bitterness = a lethal combination.) The chance to work seven days a week for extra cash came up: offer accepted. New roommates. More money. No church. No small group. Closed ears to accountability and oh, a non-loving-Jesus guy in my life. It was the exact ingredients to create the Perfect Storm, aka, the walk-away daughter.

And so I did. And what followed were a couple of months of a tortured soul who tried to believe she was truly happy with earning a bit of extra money, a man's attention and living for no one else but herself.

And then one night I sat straight up in bed as I heard the Father's [almost audible] voice say, "It's time Beloved." And I knew what He meant: I either needed to turn and run back to Him or He had to let me go to the world. And in that moment, there was only one decision I could make: I had to turn back to God. (Denying His existence terrified me- but to live a double life was against a longstanding life-principle of mine.) So right then and there, around midnight in August of  2011, I said, "I'm done Lord. I'm done. I'm Yours."

What I didn't realize though was that for those first few months after I had turned back to God: I was walking around on tip-toes. One afternoon at a Starbucks (yay, coffee!) my mentor spoke one of the most life-changing words that anyone had ever spoken to me. "Shauna: you're living and thinking as if God is holding His gavel and just waiting to bang it to declare justice and condemnation on you. Shauna: HE WILL NEVER DO THAT. He already did that - on His Son. There's no fear...." And with the tears shed that day, flowed a freedom and grace that I had never experienced before...

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There's so much more to my story. More decisions- and even MORE freedom. But I will leave you with two thoughts:

*NO ONE EVER FALLS INTO SIN: You are only ever taking steps toward Christ- or away from Him. You are only ever growing, or you are dying. You don't wake up one morning hating your significant other or hating your job or hating your life. You made a bunch of decisions, over time, and whether physical and/or emotional, and instead of correcting them along the way, you buried them or started finding life and justice in them... But it was never overnight.

*IT IS FOR FREEDOM THAT CHRIST HAS SET YOU FREE: "So do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1) Believe it or not God does not have a list of "don'ts" for you. Being angry, lustful, envious, an addict and selfish is actually more exhausting and more deadly than being free in Christ.

Oh, and often times, the list of "do not's" that you give yourself is more exhausting and more heavy than the list of "do's" that He'll give you. 

For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, 

but in order that the world might be saved 

through Him. (John 3:17)

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My Six-word story was a challenge from my teachers at 10,000 Fathers Worship school, which comes from the story of a writer winning a challenge at having the most powerful story- but in 6 words. (Ernest Hemingway is often attributed to it, but many say it was not.)

Singleness is NOT a season, people.

I mean, you know: I get it.

The majority of humans will marry.I get it, I really, really do. But, not all will marry.

In Scripture we are never told Singleness is a season or stage. (Actually, we're told it's a gift, but, I digress.)

So why do we walk around saying and sharing that? To make people feel better? Because it may flatter in the moment, but it does not build someone up in love and encouragement.

And I know that from experience.

And here's the reason why saying "Singleness is just for a season" bothers me to the core: What you're not saying is, "You were made for more. You are not complete - yet."

Dear reader: This is so incredibly a.) untrue and b) unbiblical that I can not be in a conversation, overhear this and stay silent anymore.

And here's how this is untrue and unbiblical: EVERY HUMAN IS MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD: the Imago Dei. He may be triune (Father, Spirit, Son) but HE IS ONE.

Dear friend, you don't need marriage or a partner to complete you: and neither do I.

If you ARE married then know this: that itself is a gift! But it in no way completes you. Only the Lord can do that.

The term "soul mates" comes from Greek mythology (aka, not real life) where in there was one soul which was split in two as a consequence and had to spend the rest of their days searching for each other to be whole.

That is not you, me, or any other human on this planet.

Ecclesiastes (3:11) tells us that God set eternity into the heart of man: He is the one who completes us.

So do you see how that alone should stop us from using the term "season" or "stage" when it comes to singleness vs. marriage? In seasons and stages we're always planning ahead. Trying to predict the future. Preparing for it. Very, VERY rarely are we ever in it fully and presently. This is not healthy.

And let me give a personal example of that: I grew up during the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" years. (Which as a side note: I don't think Joshua Harris needed to apologize for writing those books. But again, I digress.) I've read all the other books that came out in the 90's and 2000's... always trying to "prepare" for marriage.(I went to a 4-year Bible school: Believe me- there was a lot of teaching on marriage. ha!) And as I live now in being 35 and single, I can honestly say: that to read and go to those seminars and conferences (on marriage, etc): it hurts my heart more than it helps it. Because why? Because God may not have marriage for me and that is beautiful too. Do I have desires that I pray for God to fulfill, like marriage? Yes, I do actually.

But do I think He has to give it to me?
No.

Do I think marriage will complete me?
Probably more than I should, but weren't you all naive when entering marriage? Besides, I've seen and encountered more marriages that I wouldn't want mine to look like than what I would want. So no, I don't think marriage will complete me.

And what if we follow that mind set--what do we say to widows and widowers? "Oh, don't worry, this is just a season." Absolutely not.

So please, please don't say it to us.
Only God knows the plans He has for someone.


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I was interviewed for a podcast by Hey Girl, and the 2nd half of the interview is on the topic of Singleness. (The first half being on Bullying.)  If you'd like to hear it, head on over to the Hey Girl podcast or you can listen to the interview on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzMdAY2dXQA&t=1s