"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." CS Lewis
Sometimes I can't help but be dissatisfied. Do you know what I mean? I'm sure that most of the time this thought can and is bred out of selfishness. But I was challenged last week to think of this (and sufferings) as a gift.
The gift of remembering that this world is not our home.
1 Peter 2:11 (the Message) tells us, " Friends, this world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul." How beautifully and boldly put.
I remember in college (I went to a Bible Institute.) I used to really struggle with the concept of thinking of heaven and being with Christ as more amazing than some of the experiences of here on earth. And I remember feeling like such a failure as a believer because of this. And when sharing this with a friend, he turned to me and said, "Shauna: the reality is that even if you feel this way: When you get to heaven-- You won't feel that way."
Marriage is one of those experiences that I would love to live. Now: before you go ahead thinking, "Shauna: there's more to life than marriage, etc.": KNOW THAT I KNOW THIS. Of course, I'm sure that (if the Lord wills it) I will enter marriage somewhat naive. But for those of you who don't know me and you're reading this: I'm 30 and single. Which, in today's world means that most people my age have been married and are now divorced. Most of my friends have children. I've overheard some horrendous fights. I know of women (believers) who have been physically and emotionally abused and have done my best to walk with these couples. So, again: know that I know that I know that I know that marriage is not the end all and be all of life.
However, despite all of the negativity that I have shared above: I still have the desire to be married. I'm trying to let God do His best in working through my fears of marriage, but I still have the desire. To serve someone. To love someone. And, well, selfishly: to be served and loved back. I've fought a lot against this but can't help but know that God designed marriage and there is something (obviously) powerful in that. Scripture is so clear about what it is a picture of: Christ and His bride. The sacrifice. The love. The Commitment. The Benefits.
I pray to be married someday. But, with that, I also pray that God will have His way: as I know (that I know that I know that I know) that His way is best. It really could be in God's best possible plan for me that I never be married. Heck: maybe that's why I have the desire: So that it makes me cling to Him even more.
But maybe, just maybe..... I have the desire because I know that this world is not my home....For I was made for another.