You rotten, dirty scoundrel who manipulates others to get what you want.
You selfish, self-seeking, lazy ignoramus who looks down on others.
Hold on to that for a moment.
Have you ever had a moment in your life in which you realized you actually have become that person? That person who trampled over another's feelings. Have you ever realized you had actually become that person who you hoped would never become public?
I've had that moment or situation, rather, recently. I was confronted on sin that was in my life and was [clearly] affecting others. I remember in that moment being so devastated that I could not pretend any more at how horrible of a person I knew I was. I knew she existed: but I was hoping that no one else would ever know that [but God?].
Your sin will find you out.
My favorite scene in the movie "Meet Joe Black" is in which the character "Death" (played by, drum roll please, Brad Pitt. Ha!) asks Quince how does he know that his wife loves him. Quince's response? " Because she knows the worst thing about me and it's okay."
Enter *sigh* here.
Let us take a moment and let that scene soak in. Who in your life knows the worst thing/s about you? A spouse? Your best friend? Roommate/s? God? Wait, yes, God.
The Gospels are full of moments in which Jesus "perceiving their thoughts.... perceiving in their hearts... knowing what was in their hearts." If those who know you the most only know you by what you say and do out loud: imagine how much more God knows about us?
So back to my opening statements: YOU ARE THAT PERSON. And: SO AM I. It is ugly. Disgusting. Full of complete grossness and depravity. BUT: God brings us beauty in that (or those, rather) moments of realizing our full potential of depravity and ugliness: We were bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20). There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). We have a Helper who is continually with us (Romans 8:26) and a King who is constantly interceding us (Romans 8:34). No man (or angel or demon) can bring any charge against us (who are God's) (Romans 8:33) .
I am giving myself permission to paraphrase Romans 8:33 (again). "Who can tell on you to the King of Kings? NO ONE. NOT EVEN YOURSELF." God has justified you. The simplest definition of "justified" that I remember from school is this: "it's 'just as if I'd never'". That's it. As the Father see's Christ work for you on the Cross: it's as if you had done nothing to deserve condemnation.
Such ugliness can be beautified. Through Christ.
To walk in such grace and forgiveness is difficult. As I shared above, I have been recently confronted by my ugliness of sin and the depths of possibility thereof. However: I have been forgiven. Not just by my God, but by those who did the [right, Biblical thing]. It's hard for me, oh so hard, to walk in that forgiveness... to not feel like I'm walking on egg shells. To not feel like I have to earn forgiveness or grace. But since God does not condemn me: I get to learn to walk (or jog or run or skip!) in His grace... to let Him remind me of such truths as above.
And when one sees and feels such ugliness become beautified: How does one not love the Giver of such beauty?
"God... having forgiven us ALL our trespasses, by cancelling the record of debt that stood against us... This He set aside, nailing it to the cross." (Colossians 2:13b,14)