God's been challenging me on something the past...mmm year?
And the issue is this: Am I being who God has called me to be? Or, am I trying to be what others (or I think others) want me to be?
And to be genuinely honest in this, my most recent/common area of this is being single. And the backstory to this is, well: I've had several men tell me (Christian and non-Christian) phrases like, "I would've never date you... you would've intimidated me" or "Well, I can see how you would intimidate men...." [Insert palm-face emoji here.]
Not only is that just what every single woman wants to hear- what we actually hear is what is NOT being said:
*"You're awfully tall in heels." (actually, wait: that HAS been said to me. Also, sorry, I can't help it God designed me to be 5'8".)
*"Guys really love feeling a lot taller and stronger than their girlfriends/spouses." (Again, I can't help the height thing and sorry that I played sports when I was younger and that I love lifting weights.)
*"Guys are too shy to approach the quiet ones..." (Sorry I'm an introvert and only on rare occasions when I first meet someone/people does an extroverted me show up. That's usually reserved for friends/family.) [But she's really fun when she does.]
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And then, enter the Christian Bubble and you hear, either from the pulpit, books or "culture",
*"Women should be like the woman in 1 Peter 3. Quiet, submissive and modest." (I'll refrain from my rant on the word "modest.")
Well, you know what: That about summarizes it right there.
And for years I became "her"... You know, the 1 Peter 3 woman (that we take WAY out of context, just an FYI). I was afraid to laugh too loud because a man might think I was drawing attention to myself. I didn't give my opinion or thought [on spiritual things] even though a.) being a daughter of God gives me that right and b.) being a 4-year Bible school graduate taught me one or two things.
And then I moved, and God ushered in a new community of friends and job- and He begin to breathe life into those fearful and insecure areas. But insecurity still had a hold on me, and it's grasp was strong at times.
A few years later, I walked away from the Lord, but by His grace, I ran back. And it wasn't until after that that I began to truly SEE, FEEL and KNOW that God loves me. Showers me with grace. And He gives His children good gifts. And then two years ago I came across a Matt Chandler sermon... and he said life changing words. [I'm summarizing].... "And to you single women, I urge you, STOP DUMBING YOURSELF DOWN. Because this is what happens: You love the Lord but you find you're still single and not getting asked out. So you dumb yourself down, then a [dumb] guy feels bold and strong enough to approach you and so you settle. And then two years later you wake up married to a dumb guy and you're trapped... STOP DUMBING YOURSELF DOWN. It is truly better to be a strong and godly woman with a 100 cats who's doing more for the kingdom then it is to be trapped in a marriage to a dumb guy...."
And that began to set the course for walking in the freedom of being me. 5'8". strong. lover of heels. lover of study and lover of weight lifting. worship leader and dreaming of teaching women (uh, hello Christine Caine, can we chat over coffee sometime?)
But I almost battle sharing it in the perspective of being single, because, well, like most of life: our spirit and being don't compartmentalize well. So in my professional life and relationships with friends- I was that insecure, never-stood-up-for-myself, I'm always wrong kind of woman. And you know what? That's not Godly... that's not being who God called me to be.
And guess what? It's an ever-learning lesson. Just this past week I sat in Starbucks, really battling this and I began to write, "Lord... just help me to learn the balance between being me and...."--- and I realized I couldn't finish that sentence. I heard the Father whisper, "The only way to honor Me is for you to be who I created you to be. And she is tall, strong, wise and a leader."
So dear friend, know this: It only brings honor and glory to God to be the you He's created you to be.
