Cages.

 "Lord of the Rings: Two Towers" has several amazing scenes. This one is just about my favorite...
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Aragon: "What do you fear my lady?"

Eowyn: "A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them. And all chance of valour has gone beyond recall or desire."

Aragon: "You're a daughter of of kings, a shieldmaden of Rohan. I do not think that would be your fate."
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Whoa.

What is it about this moment that strikes my innermost being like no other?

Because my deepest fear is not becoming who I was created to be. 

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It's been a journey for sure.
For years- try a decade- I took 1 Peter 3 out of context: I became a quiet, submissive, don't-laugh-too-loud-'cause-that'll-annoy-a-man, don't-be-taller-than-a-man-because-that's-emasculating-, don't-answer-like-you-know-the-answer-because-a-man-doesn't-want-a-woman-who-knows-more-than-him KIND OF WOMAN.

No, really, ask my bestie: I became that woman.

Then through the years, a few things happened. A.) It became exhausting not being who I truly was. B.) I came across a Matt Chandler sermon that God used profoundly and C.) God used a normal-every-day phone call with my bestie to change my world. So here we go with the explanations:
         
*A.) Needs no explanation. I was exhausted of faking it all the time.

*B.) Matt Chandler calls out Single women in one of his sermons. He tells [us] that it's better to be single than to dumb ourselves down and marry a stupid man. Because what happens is this: We dumb ourselves down... A (dumb) guy comes along that will finally ask us out...We agree on everything (because that's what we do when we feel we don't deserve to speak up)... and then we wake up 2 years into marriage and think, "My gosh: this is miserable. And I'm stuck with a stupid man."

Golly. That scared me. I DO NOT WANT TO BE HER! (Also note: I know too many "hers".)

And that phrase, "dumb [ourselves] down" struck my innermost being: This was exactly what I had been doing. I had been pretending I didn't know God, His word or my calling as much as I knew I did. Let me tell ya ya'll- I stopped the video, repented & prayed, and replayed those few minutes of the sermon.
         
 *C.) Fast-forwarding the topic during the phone call... My bestie asked me if I had come to truly believe that having confidence is pride and insecurity equals humility. Say what?! But as I truly pondered over that I had to confess (eventually) to myself and out loud that I believed that it was true. That to believe that if I did anything really well or above average or even better than most others, than I believed that was not okay. That it was sin. And that the less I thought of myself... the more I thought of myself not doing things well... then, well, that was the humility that God approved of- and wanted of us.

W R O N G.
So. Freaking.Wrong.

But there's also a D.)

I began to believe that Jesus love(s) women. I began to view Scripture in its historical context more. I began to believe that women can be in leadership.

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It would take way too long for me to go into all the little nuggets of truth from Scripture and conversations and learning and experience for me to give examples of how each of the above shifted me into more of a Woman of Confidence.

But I will just share this.
In Genesis 2, when God speaks of Eve being Adam's helpmate, that word is "Ezer", meaning, help. *shocker* But- here's what's powerful. Ezer is used just 21x's in the Old Testament. 3x's, referring to Eve, but the other 19x's? EACH ONE IS GOD REFERRING TO HIMSELF AS OUR EZER! He is our "ezer and our shield", our "ezer and our sword", "Where does my ezer come from? my ezer comes from the Lord."

I do not believe that this is saying that women are better than men. But rest assured, it most definitely does not mean that we as women are below men.

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So studies like the above changed my life. I was about 33 years old when I began my journey into confidence. I am more free than I have been in my entire life. I am more in love with Jesus than I have been in my entire life.

I am more me than I have ever been in my entire life.

And you know what?
The cage only surrounds me when I fly into it.

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P.S. Proverbs 31: "An excellent wife..." That word "excellent" is from the Hebrew word, "chayil", meaning strength or valor. It is the same word that the angel of the Lord calls Gideon in Judges 6:12, "Mighty man of Valor".

So go ahead and reread Proverbs 31 now knowing the Hebrew word for "excellent". Don't you look at her differently?

<3

My Story: Which is really God's Story.

The pastor at my church challenged us to share "our stories" this week on social media, and so it had me thinking: I don't think I've ever shared my story (God + me) on this platform. So in 1000 words or less: here I go.

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Always Believed. Walked Away. Prodigal Daughter.

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If I had to define my story in even less words, I would say, "Decisions and Freedom". Because that's what He gives us- what He offers us, is decisions and freedom. 

I "prayed the prayer" when I was three, so basically, I always knew God existed and talked with Him like He was in the room. ('cause He was. er, and is.) But it wasn't until I was 14 and went to a [new to me] camp where I saw teens and college students raising their hands during worship and doing a quiet time (I thought only old people did that?!).... They were beautiful and cool and showed me that a relationship with Jesus was actually possible, even as a teenager.

So from there came a bunch of little decisions that altered my life, little by little. I chose to do a 4-year Bible school. From there I toured with a Christian Ministry for 3 months. Was offered a job by them and moved to SoCal. Discovered in my time there that worship leading was more of my heart, so of course I knew to say yes when offered a position as a vocalist in a worship band back East. Moved back East. Learned [the very hard way] that I am NOT a gifted administrator. 

Those years began to just become the grind of life. By 2011 I had been living outside Boston for a year and well, not really actively pursuing God: I just kept keepin' on. No real established quiet time. No studying. No real interest in investing in, well, anything, except my own fulfillment. My single on Itunes bombed. And then, a decision happened which affected me and I grew bitter and more bitter. (Anger + Bitterness = a lethal combination.) The chance to work seven days a week for extra cash came up: offer accepted. New roommates. More money. No church. No small group. Closed ears to accountability and oh, a non-loving-Jesus guy in my life. It was the exact ingredients to create the Perfect Storm, aka, the walk-away daughter.

And so I did. And what followed were a couple of months of a tortured soul who tried to believe she was truly happy with earning a bit of extra money, a man's attention and living for no one else but herself.

And then one night I sat straight up in bed as I heard the Father's [almost audible] voice say, "It's time Beloved." And I knew what He meant: I either needed to turn and run back to Him or He had to let me go to the world. And in that moment, there was only one decision I could make: I had to turn back to God. (Denying His existence terrified me- but to live a double life was against a longstanding life-principle of mine.) So right then and there, around midnight in August of  2011, I said, "I'm done Lord. I'm done. I'm Yours."

What I didn't realize though was that for those first few months after I had turned back to God: I was walking around on tip-toes. One afternoon at a Starbucks (yay, coffee!) my mentor spoke one of the most life-changing words that anyone had ever spoken to me. "Shauna: you're living and thinking as if God is holding His gavel and just waiting to bang it to declare justice and condemnation on you. Shauna: HE WILL NEVER DO THAT. He already did that - on His Son. There's no fear...." And with the tears shed that day, flowed a freedom and grace that I had never experienced before...

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There's so much more to my story. More decisions- and even MORE freedom. But I will leave you with two thoughts:

*NO ONE EVER FALLS INTO SIN: You are only ever taking steps toward Christ- or away from Him. You are only ever growing, or you are dying. You don't wake up one morning hating your significant other or hating your job or hating your life. You made a bunch of decisions, over time, and whether physical and/or emotional, and instead of correcting them along the way, you buried them or started finding life and justice in them... But it was never overnight.

*IT IS FOR FREEDOM THAT CHRIST HAS SET YOU FREE: "So do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1) Believe it or not God does not have a list of "don'ts" for you. Being angry, lustful, envious, an addict and selfish is actually more exhausting and more deadly than being free in Christ.

Oh, and often times, the list of "do not's" that you give yourself is more exhausting and more heavy than the list of "do's" that He'll give you. 

For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, 

but in order that the world might be saved 

through Him. (John 3:17)

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My Six-word story was a challenge from my teachers at 10,000 Fathers Worship school, which comes from the story of a writer winning a challenge at having the most powerful story- but in 6 words. (Ernest Hemingway is often attributed to it, but many say it was not.)

Singleness is NOT a season, people.

I mean, you know: I get it.

The majority of humans will marry.I get it, I really, really do. But, not all will marry.

In Scripture we are never told Singleness is a season or stage. (Actually, we're told it's a gift, but, I digress.)

So why do we walk around saying and sharing that? To make people feel better? Because it may flatter in the moment, but it does not build someone up in love and encouragement.

And I know that from experience.

And here's the reason why saying "Singleness is just for a season" bothers me to the core: What you're not saying is, "You were made for more. You are not complete - yet."

Dear reader: This is so incredibly a.) untrue and b) unbiblical that I can not be in a conversation, overhear this and stay silent anymore.

And here's how this is untrue and unbiblical: EVERY HUMAN IS MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD: the Imago Dei. He may be triune (Father, Spirit, Son) but HE IS ONE.

Dear friend, you don't need marriage or a partner to complete you: and neither do I.

If you ARE married then know this: that itself is a gift! But it in no way completes you. Only the Lord can do that.

The term "soul mates" comes from Greek mythology (aka, not real life) where in there was one soul which was split in two as a consequence and had to spend the rest of their days searching for each other to be whole.

That is not you, me, or any other human on this planet.

Ecclesiastes (3:11) tells us that God set eternity into the heart of man: He is the one who completes us.

So do you see how that alone should stop us from using the term "season" or "stage" when it comes to singleness vs. marriage? In seasons and stages we're always planning ahead. Trying to predict the future. Preparing for it. Very, VERY rarely are we ever in it fully and presently. This is not healthy.

And let me give a personal example of that: I grew up during the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" years. (Which as a side note: I don't think Joshua Harris needed to apologize for writing those books. But again, I digress.) I've read all the other books that came out in the 90's and 2000's... always trying to "prepare" for marriage.(I went to a 4-year Bible school: Believe me- there was a lot of teaching on marriage. ha!) And as I live now in being 35 and single, I can honestly say: that to read and go to those seminars and conferences (on marriage, etc): it hurts my heart more than it helps it. Because why? Because God may not have marriage for me and that is beautiful too. Do I have desires that I pray for God to fulfill, like marriage? Yes, I do actually.

But do I think He has to give it to me?
No.

Do I think marriage will complete me?
Probably more than I should, but weren't you all naive when entering marriage? Besides, I've seen and encountered more marriages that I wouldn't want mine to look like than what I would want. So no, I don't think marriage will complete me.

And what if we follow that mind set--what do we say to widows and widowers? "Oh, don't worry, this is just a season." Absolutely not.

So please, please don't say it to us.
Only God knows the plans He has for someone.


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I was interviewed for a podcast by Hey Girl, and the 2nd half of the interview is on the topic of Singleness. (The first half being on Bullying.)  If you'd like to hear it, head on over to the Hey Girl podcast or you can listen to the interview on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzMdAY2dXQA&t=1s