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Always Believed. Walked Away. Prodigal Daughter.
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If I had to define my story in even less words, I would say, "Decisions and Freedom". Because that's what He gives us- what He offers us, is decisions and freedom.
I "prayed the prayer" when I was three, so basically, I always knew God existed and talked with Him like He was in the room. ('cause He was. er, and is.) But it wasn't until I was 14 and went to a [new to me] camp where I saw teens and college students raising their hands during worship and doing a quiet time (I thought only old people did that?!).... They were beautiful and cool and showed me that a relationship with Jesus was actually possible, even as a teenager.
So from there came a bunch of little decisions that altered my life, little by little. I chose to do a 4-year Bible school. From there I toured with a Christian Ministry for 3 months. Was offered a job by them and moved to SoCal. Discovered in my time there that worship leading was more of my heart, so of course I knew to say yes when offered a position as a vocalist in a worship band back East. Moved back East. Learned [the very hard way] that I am NOT a gifted administrator.
Those years began to just become the grind of life. By 2011 I had been living outside Boston for a year and well, not really actively pursuing God: I just kept keepin' on. No real established quiet time. No studying. No real interest in investing in, well, anything, except my own fulfillment. My single on Itunes bombed. And then, a decision happened which affected me and I grew bitter and more bitter. (Anger + Bitterness = a lethal combination.) The chance to work seven days a week for extra cash came up: offer accepted. New roommates. More money. No church. No small group. Closed ears to accountability and oh, a non-loving-Jesus guy in my life. It was the exact ingredients to create the Perfect Storm, aka, the walk-away daughter.
And so I did. And what followed were a couple of months of a tortured soul who tried to believe she was truly happy with earning a bit of extra money, a man's attention and living for no one else but herself.
And then one night I sat straight up in bed as I heard the Father's [almost audible] voice say, "It's time Beloved." And I knew what He meant: I either needed to turn and run back to Him or He had to let me go to the world. And in that moment, there was only one decision I could make: I had to turn back to God. (Denying His existence terrified me- but to live a double life was against a longstanding life-principle of mine.) So right then and there, around midnight in August of 2011, I said, "I'm done Lord. I'm done. I'm Yours."
What I didn't realize though was that for those first few months after I had turned back to God: I was walking around on tip-toes. One afternoon at a Starbucks (yay, coffee!) my mentor spoke one of the most life-changing words that anyone had ever spoken to me. "Shauna: you're living and thinking as if God is holding His gavel and just waiting to bang it to declare justice and condemnation on you. Shauna: HE WILL NEVER DO THAT. He already did that - on His Son. There's no fear...." And with the tears shed that day, flowed a freedom and grace that I had never experienced before...
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There's so much more to my story. More decisions- and even MORE freedom. But I will leave you with two thoughts:
*NO ONE EVER FALLS INTO SIN: You are only ever taking steps toward Christ- or away from Him. You are only ever growing, or you are dying. You don't wake up one morning hating your significant other or hating your job or hating your life. You made a bunch of decisions, over time, and whether physical and/or emotional, and instead of correcting them along the way, you buried them or started finding life and justice in them... But it was never overnight.
*IT IS FOR FREEDOM THAT CHRIST HAS SET YOU FREE: "So do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1) Believe it or not God does not have a list of "don'ts" for you. Being angry, lustful, envious, an addict and selfish is actually more exhausting and more deadly than being free in Christ.
Oh, and often times, the list of "do not's" that you give yourself is more exhausting and more heavy than the list of "do's" that He'll give you.
For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world,
but in order that the world might be saved
through Him. (John 3:17)
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My Six-word story was a challenge from my teachers at 10,000 Fathers Worship school, which comes from the story of a writer winning a challenge at having the most powerful story- but in 6 words. (Ernest Hemingway is often attributed to it, but many say it was not.)
