the Problem with American Pride.

I believe one of the greatest hindrances to the Western Church (aka, America & Canada) is.... 

An intense lack of true humility.

Aka: P R I D E.

It's the source of all sin: Adam and Eve with their "just need to be like God" complex. (Which, they already had, but that's a conversation for another time.

I mean, Hi Lucifer, with you and your "I will.... I will.... I will...." statements.

It's why we manipulate, consider ourselves better than others, consume material possessions and even: murder.

It's why racism exists.

It's why we don't apologize. (Or struggle TO apologize.)

It's why people deny the Lord and one true God.

It's why we just can't let go of our opinions and feelings sometimes.

P R I D E.

LACK OF HUMILITY.

A lot of you know my journey, or parts of it (I'm still writing it!), especially re: my change in theology and Biblical interpretation of Women in the Church (or, world, really). And I never considered my journey in humility in it [per se] until a friend of mine once pointed out, "Shauna: That took a lot of courage and humility to go public with sharing your story about that change."

And I tucked that moment away until I could spend some time processing and praying that and thought, "Hmm... what's actually been the biggest source of my change (besides the Lord, obviously)?"

H U M I L I T Y.

Now granted, it feels like an oxy-moron to tell my story and to tell about how humble I am. Trust me, I still battle humility way more often than I'd like to admit. (Like, I'd lose count in a day if I tried to keep track of how many times I try to swallow my pride, be it thought or action(s).)

However, hopefully in sharing it, even just this little bit, will encourage even just one other person to change their posture before the Lord. (Because, isn't that really what our pride is about? Thinking we know better than God or know all of His thoughts & ways better than even He does?)

It's not a big moment in the grand scheme of life. However, it did change the course of my life.

The night before and the morning of starting worship school (10,000 Fathers Worship School), I said to the Lord, with my palms open to Him, "Lord, I don't want to put you in a box. So if You really do move in ways I've never seen or believed... then please show me. Just show me Biblically, not just experientially." (Yes, I know that's not a word, but I'm using it, gosh darn it.)

Well, let me tell you:
If you ever want to pray a prayer that God hears and will answer, it's that one.

That was the week that we studied Women in the Church, the sign gifts, etc. and I heard history and Language teachings and explanations that I had never heard before.

I was torn.

I was angry.

But I couldn't help but wondering if God really moved in those ways.

So I kept seeking Him.

And studying.

And within 6-12 months, I had, very cautiously mind you, began to believe in these 180 degree differences.

To the point that it's changed my life.

I have a deeper relationship with the Lord: I feel His confidence and pride over me more. I love His presence more.  I feel more deeply than I ever "felt" before. I cry more than I ever used to cry: be it deep sadness or deep joy. I love people more. I ask for forgiveness more sincerely now.  I see the poor, inflicted, the suffering and the racial divides more. My hunger for justice and righteousness has only ever increased.

After all, isn't that the heart of God?

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

I've lost count of the verses that talk about taking care of-

The Sojourners.

The poor. 

The widows. 

The least of these.

Numerous times in Scripture Jesus goes out of His way to love on the least of these.

There are the widows.

The woman with a blood issue.

Tax collectors.

Prostitutes.

Samaritans (a different race).

The blind & deaf.

Lepers.

So I share all this to say:

I almost see in a greater spectrum now.

So when, in past weeks (months, even), the racial tension in our country has been building: I weep. Because I see it.

I hear it from my friends who are people of color (POC).

I saw it when I lived in Southern California with the Hispanic and Asian populations and I saw in the South and even all the way up here in Maine with POC.

And in my deeper studying of Scripture these past years, I can't help but believe a part of the problem is: the North American Church.

We've stood back too long.
We've sat silent too long.

Demanding explanations and all the details without, quite frankly, just believing fellow humans.

We've come to believe in the justice system over the justice of God.

We've come to believe the uniforms over cell phone captures.

We've come to prefer the poor and POC in foreign countries over those in our own neighborhoods. (Let's be honest, most of us don't live in mixed neighborhoods, but that's a part of this story for another day.)

We've come to believe that we can put ourselves into everyone else's stor(ies).

We've come to believe that defending ourselves as people living in America is a God-given right.

We've become judge & defender & even perpetrator. 

We're bad at lamenting.

We're bad at mourning.

We're bad at being present.

Is this every Believer in North America?

Heck no.

Don't say what I'm not saying.

Is every Law Enforcement officer corrupt, racist and a murderer?

Heck no.
I'd actually venture to say that majority aren't.

But you know what:

There are cities and towns where the majority are.

So do we remain silent for the sake of not having others take it personally or feel bad?

Heck no.

It could actually be the one of the best and most impactful (here we go again, another non-word, but I'm using it!) thing we can do as believers (particularly us Caucasian Americans) is not actually do anything but to listen.

Listen.

Listen.

Believe.

And listen some more.

And pray.

Pray.

Pray.

Grieve.

Lament.

Grieve our history's beginning. (Don't forget that a bunch of white people murder hundreds of thousands of Native American's to live here. Oh, and still try to take their lands over. But that's a story for another day.)

Lament the injuries and deaths of our dear brothers and sisters of color.

Don't just try to slap a band aid on things.

Don't justify or defend actions.

Listen.
Ask compassionate questions.

Read books on racism in America.

Read interviews with POC trying to explain their day-to-day lives.

And if you're reading this and bubbling over with defensiveness and wanting to justify (or even accuse), then I ask you to do what I did [and still do!]:

Sit before Him with palms open and say, "Lord, if you move differently than what I currently believe or experience- show me. Lord, if I'm wrong, show me. Shower me with grace as I repent. I don't want to put You in a box. Show me so that I can have Your eyes to see and ears to hear and heart to love & serve."

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And lest ya'll believe that racism has not been a part of my story:
I would've never believed I was. 

But it took reading a book "The Hate U Give" and reading a line in there that stopped me in my tracks and I just started weeping and asking the Lord for forgiveness. Why? Because that line was a literal thought I had had more than one time in my life. 

Racism is from the pit of hell.

And unfortunately, Christians through the [thousands of] years have been actually perpetuating it. Believing in fears, lies and wrong doctrine. They acted as if Jesus was white and applauded their separation from [most] others.

But, as reality would have: Jesus was brown skinned and a believer of full inclusion. Women. Race. Children. The poor. The Rich. He didn't defend uniforms universally- but pursued the people in them. (Hello tax collectors & Centurions.)

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The only way that we can every grow more and more Christ-like is to keep laying ourselves down on our altars of egos that creep up here and there (or even blatantly) and let the Lord do the work.

But He won't do the work unless you're willing.

Are you willing?