Are You Afraid to Live Because You're Afraid to Die?

Are you afraid to live because you're afraid to die?

I never thought that this statement, well, question would've or could've ever been said of me, but I believe it can describe me.

Let me back up. This past weekend I had an Encounter with God while doing one of the most random activities ever: Jeeping. I know, right? So, jeeping (for those non-hicks out there) is just that: Jeeping. On Saturday morning, about 20 of us left around 7:30 in the morning, drove 2 hours to a town in Western Massachusetts, unloaded the jeeps off the their trailers and started, well... driving. I mean, like, barely driving, really, on these trails with rocks and boulders five to six feet high .... a swamp or two... random fallen trees and branches... Obstacles that normal vehicles can't drive over and what make Jeeps look just plain awesome.

It it only takes a few feet heading into this path that the Jeeps all have to stop (we all get out except the driver and perhaps one passenger) and one Jeep at a time, try to drive over a huge boulder. And of course, sometimes the Jeeps need a little help. Maybe it was one or a few of us throwing rocks down for the tires to grip on or it was another Jeep having to pull another Jeep over and/or out of it. Whatever it was: Each Jeep made it (mmm, that's a lie: one Jeep didn't make it through.) out of the few mile trek. Maybe with even having to be pulled along: but each Jeep made it.

And there was a point that I remember just standing and watching the guys working on a Jeep and looking around at nature and all of the random people put together for this trip and I heard a whisper: "You are still that little girl with an adventurous and curious spirit that I love..."

It was at that point that I asked myself, "What have I been afraid of then?" The answer? There are a few.... dying... failing... missing out on what I wasn't living.

Let me back up for a minute. All growing up I was a daydreamer. I remember locking myself in my parents room and pretending I was a singer recording a music video... and I would play outside until I could hear my parents yelling for me to come in. I also remember though, being terrified to drive long distances and/or be away from my parents for any long amount of time. I even remember having to come home for a night from my camp that was just 20 minutes away--just because I was homesick. Then at 14 years old I began going to a camp that was an hour away and I was scared: but I did it. (That camp, Living Waters Bible Conference in Danforth, ME is now the place I call "home", just as a shameless plug.) I remember as a Freshmen at New Brunswick Bible Institute being terrified to do just a two-week tour to Quebec and Ontario in 15 passenger vans. And I truly had to come to grips with the fact that if the Lord wanted me to die: I was going to die. Whether it was on tour or my crossing the street across from my house. That summer (2002) I spent a summer at a camp in NH: 6 hours away from home. And guess what: I loved it. The summer after that: I spent just outside of NYC and the Fall after that? I travelled about 9000 miles: from the East to West Coast and Back to New Zealand and Fiji as well. I've travelled to about 35 States, most of the Eastern Side and Islands of Canada, a few days in Mexico and the big jump: I moved to Southern California without knowing a soul.

I came to crave and love adventure.
My fears of dying while traveling were always there: but I never let them take precedent.

So what happened to me?

Well, on a big-scale: I let my lack of proximity to friends and finances (and sleep) rule my life. I became so obsessed with just merely surviving day to day that I forgot my God is a pretty big God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10) and feeds the birds of the air (Matthew 6:26). Also, God is my Father, Who loves me and has plans to prosper me (Jeremiah 29:11) and Who wants to give me life abundantly (John 10:10). And oh yes, lest I forget:  My God is the God who can (and does) do "exceedingly, abundantly above all that [I] can ask or think." (Ephesians 3:20)

My pastor recently challenged us to change things up in our lives: "Do the opposite of what you would normally do. If you normally read a book, watch a movie. If you're wanting to just stay home: go out... Get out of your comfort zones. Know yourself: but change it up."

Back to Jeeping... now see... what I almost wanted to do more than Jeeping that Saturday was sleep in, drink a lot of coffee, job hunt, clean the house and watch movies. What I didn't want to do was worry about getting up 5 hours after getting home, having to go potty in the woods or embarassing myself with my social-awkwardness in front of 15 people I had never met before. But you know what? I changed it up and went out of my comfort zone.

It changed my life.

My prayer for you is that it will do the same. And that we will continue to be a people committed to living and not merely surviving.




Praise be to the Father for His love and for Jesus ever-interceding for us. (Romans 8:34)