Today I went on the most beautiful run I've ever taken. There is nothing quite like a warm, fall day in New England. The backroads mostly taken over by fallen leaves. The scent of wet leaves & roads drying filled my senses with hope and comfort.
Admist the tugging by the dog and the stitches in my side, God once again chose to use this most beautiful morning to talk with me.
As I was running and praying (and just plain trying to breathe) I was expressing my frustration about a situation in my life and ever so gently He said, "Shauna: I just want you to be you. Stop trying to be who you want to become and be you."
Recent conversations with people in my life have been reminding me that life is lived in the present on the journey, while looking forward to the promise of the destination. Sometimes, however, I really struggle with this.
We as believers always need that push to become more like Christ and to pray for "peace, patience, gentleness, etc.", but we also need the reminder that we can only live in the present. I remember some years ago, for several years actually, I was trapped in insecurities and fears, and one of them being, the fear of never being married because I wasn't that "gentle and quiet spirit" that the Apostle Paul talked about in 1 Peter 3. For years I prayed to become more gentle and quiet.... and to a certain extent I did: but it nearly choked me.
Through God's amazingness and His people, I became more confident in who God made me. (Note: this was not a one night life-change: this took months and this journey isn't over yet.) I remember the first time when I had a real crush on a guy a few years back and coming out of this, and me telling my best friend how "he probably just thinks I'm an idiot seeing as I'm always making a fool out of myself." My best friend's response? "Shauna, you know what I love about you and this situation right now? That you are making a fool out of yourself! You are finally being yourself and not worrying in the moment what he thinks of you."
What had happened to me is I became so wrapped up in trying to become who I thought I should become that I supressing the person that I was. The scariness of us believers in doing this is that we ever so slowly become fake. We become alike. The reality is that God created individuals to express His creativity and His love and to be anything less (or more) than what we are is to pretend, or believe even, that God doesn't know what He's doing.
Do not misunderstand me: I am not giving people license to sin, go against Scripture or to not practice and pray what God has called us to practice and pray in Scripture. What I challenge you with is: Are you trying to become someone different in your own strength? or are you allowing God to use you how you, where you are, while He does the work through you?
"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." -Philippians 1:6
You may as well start putting a flashing light on your blog that says "Hey, look what God has for you today."
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